


Creeping out tinychat creeps

by HarleyJade



Category: Ylvis, Ylvis family
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, description of sexual practices, incest suggestions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:39:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarleyJade/pseuds/HarleyJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>OK, here we go. As some of you know, a huge part of the Ylvis family has a tinychat every friday night. We love to talk about Ylvis, and personal stuff and became rather good friends over the months. BTW, everyone is invited, just pm me for the dates and the url, I'm DieVollNerdin on tumblr. <br/>Well, normally we have a strict no-penis-policy. That doesn't mean that we don't like guys here, we just ban the naked guys that try to jerk off on video. But some creeps are smarter, they pm the girls on cam and creep them out by describing sexual acts or stuff. <br/>Together with some of the girls, I decided to creep them out this time. We decided that anything is fair with those creeps and that the creeping out should be Ylvis - related if possible. <br/>The outcomes are hilarious. That is why I decided to copy the chatprotocols and post them here. My screenname is lovelyperson in some variations. I am anything but that in those chats, so be warned!</p>
<p>Thank you, tinychat gang, you made this possible. And the tequilla I drink on friday nights. I'll try to upload a new "chapter" every week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What does the anus say?

mr_brooks: heey

– the first contact. Will he be nice? Will he be a creep? -

lovelypersonagainxd: heyy^^  
mr_brooks: how are you  
lovelypersonagainxd: fine, thank you^^ and you?   
mr_brooks: I just feel so gay now actually

-excuse me? Okayyy... This turned out different than I though. But kinda interesting, considering my goal. Gonna play along –

lovelypersonagainxd: aha? how come?   
mr_brooks: some girls are dared me to dance on cam

– not to gay yet... – 

mr_brooks: when I am wearing thong and bra like a girl

– well... okay... still more crossdressing... but I know some wise words this guy could maybe use right now

lovelypersonagainxd: well ok... just because you're wearing a bra doesn't make you gay...  
mr_brooks: everyone gone a laugh at me I think

– probably – 

mr_brooks: do you think people gone a record me to video?  
mr_brooks: when I do it

– … you talking to me?! Hell no! Let's just pretend I didn't catch that innuendo – 

lovelypersonagainxd: naa sure not^^ this video is for you^^  
mr_brooks: thanks  
mr_brooks: I wish I can record myself when I do it  
mr_brooks: I want to watch myself too after I do it

– *goes lalala in her mind* –

lovelypersonagainxd: use a mobile? xD  
mr_brooks: I wish I can but I cant record myself same time when I am danceing  
mr_brooks: I wish I had someone who can record me

– well it's not that hard... – 

lovelypersonagainxd: you could just put your phone down....  
mr_brooks: can you record me?

– fuck – 

lovelypersonagainxd: naaa bro, how should I do this?  
mr_brooks: by your mobile  
mr_brooks: when I am on cam

have I been too polite? People tell me I should be more straight forward... fast, I need an alibi!!! –

lovelypersonagainxd: ahhh no I don't have my phone here, I play pokemon already^^

OK. Congratulations on the most retard excuse ever. I'm on tinychat, broadcasting, and no Nintendo in sight. Will he catch on? Probably not, just change the topic –

lovelypersonagainxd: why would you even want me to film this  
mr_brooks: I want to watch myself  
mr_brooks: after I dance  
mr_brooks: wearing thong is so weird actually

you tell me honey. Wouldn't want proof of that on video though –

mr_brooks: I feel like someone fingering my ass now

– mhm?!? read again... wow... well, considering my plans, he is heading into the right direction – 

lovelypersonagainxd: ahhhhh... we are coming to the interesting topics. who should do that?  
mr_brooks: hahaha  
mr_brooks: something in my ass is interesting  
mr_brooks: lol

– and something in your brain probably. Please remember that we knew each other via text for aprox. 5 min. Well, not gonna complain, he is taking over my task here– 

lovelypersonagainxd: haha xD would you like to let a guy do it  
mr_brooks: hahaha  
mr_brooks: I dont know  
mr_brooks: I havent try before  
mr_brooks: why? you wanna see me like that? LOL

– you bet. Well, this guy is really freaky. Not actually creepy yet. Maybe fast forward the whole thing until he is creeped out beyond repair? – 

lovelypersonagainxd: kinda... the male part could actually be a relative if you like^^

– wow this is bad. But hey, i have to expect dicks on tinychat all the time. This is my one-girl-revenge against creepanity – 

mr_brooks: are you m or f?  
mr_brooks: and where are you from?  
lovelypersonagainxd: a f from Europe. and you?  
mr_brooks: m  
mr_brooks: europe too

– actually, I would be more confident here if he were on another continent... – 

mr_brooks: lol  
mr_brooks: I have a dildo here actually but its belongs to my ex gf  
mr_brooks: so its not anal  
mr_brooks: its too huge  
mr_brooks: lol

– this was the moment on tinychat where my eyes became as huge as saucers, for those of you who watched me on cam. Is he really gonna show how he uses the dildo his ex-gf left for whatever reasons at his house (how convinient) anally? Wow. Actually, I want to see this on cam. For scientific reasons. Let's put my collected knowledge from all the fanfictions I ever read to good use and help this guy. – 

lovelypersonagainxd: nothing is too huge, you have to use it more often and prepare  
mr_brooks: what you mean abaut more often?  
mr_brooks: you mean everyday  
mr_brooks: or more?

– help? Any experts on how frequently this dildo has to be inserted for best results? Has there ever been a test like with Head & Shoulders or something? Ok, just use common sense here... 

lovelypersonagainxd: IDK... until it fits I guess?  
lovelypersonagainxd: you should probably use some lube...

– lovely. Just as the name suggests – 

mr_brooks: you wanna see me when I use dildo?

– at this moment we start talking about Ylvis. Bummer for Mr. Brooks. But makes things easier for me – 

mr_brooks: whats Ylvis?

– please try to stay put on your seats while my drunken brain makes up the best plan ever. What does the anus say? – 

lovelypersonagainxd: Norwegian Comedians. Could you do it to "the fox" by ylvis?  
mr_brooks: can you explain whats it?  
lovelypersonagainxd: a music video  
mr_brooks: what you want me to do it I mean with this  
lovelypersonagainxd: you put on the music video and use the dildo in thrusts matching to the beat  
mr_brooks: I can do that

– eh what? I was sure he would be a goner by this. *starting to panik because I actually made a guy wanting to come on cam in front of all my friends and using a dildo to the rhythm of “the Fox”* Heck why not, those girls deserve the wtf – moment. –

lovelypersonagainxd: you use the dildo to the music from ylvis   
mr_brooks: on cam in the room front of everyone you mean?  
lovelypersonagainxd: only if you put on the fox before pulling down your pants they will not ban you

– to my defense, I warned all the girls on tinychat before writing this. By this point I just needed to see this – 

mr_brooks: how can I put dildo in my ass without pull down my pants

– good question. IDK!!! I didn't think this through!!! Don't stress me! – 

lovelypersonagainxd: naaa, start the music. They will all like it and then they won't ban you  
mr_brooks: at least they gone a see my asshole  
lovelypersonagainxd: yeah right^^ keep the spirit up :-)  
lovelypersonagainxd: but remember, only to the fox because that will be sooo hot

– I might have broken two rips trying not to laugh out loud on camera. –

mr_brooks: you want me to show my face too?

– How far can I play this? Is he going to run as fast as he can? I have nothing to lose – 

lovelypersonagainxd: do you have a fox mask by any chance?  
mr_brooks: no sorry  
lovelypersonagainxd: ahhh man...  
mr_brooks: I wish I had  
mr_brooks: people will recognize my face

– from now on and forever – 

lovelypersonagainxd: maybe you should dance to the song with the dildo up your ass..  
mr_brooks: that can make me popular I think

– definitely. Maybe you will get invited on a Norwegian TV show. Just not on the episode I will attend, please. – 

mr_brooks: I hope people dont say lick it after its in my ass.lol  
lovelypersonagainxd: wow we will see..

– sorry I was out of words – 

mr_brooks: it means I am gone a taste my own shit front of everyone  
lovelypersonagain: yeah... do it to the tune of the fox then.

– I mean Ylvis taste their own shit, too, when singing this song– 

mr_brooks: hahaha what a dinner  
mr_brooks: you want me to dring my own pee too as like its wine?lol

– omg I want out of here... put the right amount of pressure on it... – 

lovelypersonagain: you would have to do it fast, I need to go offline soon...  
mr_brooks: How long should I do it?

– easy answer here – 

lovelypersonagain: until you get banned? lol  
mr_brooks: 10 mins or more?

– not that long until one of the mods will kick you, I guess … I can't believe this... – 

lovelypersonagain: you really gonna do this? i mean that is hard, literally  
mr_brooks: I dont know I am high now and it looks fun  
lovelypersonagain: ok do it then, because I will leave in 3 minutes otherwise xD  
mr_brooks: do you have skype?  
lovelypersonagain: naa sorry not surporting microsoft

lets me look like a political activist and not like a troll... I mean, he wants to shove a dildo up his ass for me. How could I discourage him by not giving him my skype – adress? –

mr_brooks: ok  
mr_brooks: I need to get dildo  
mr_brooks: and lube  
lovelypersonagain: ok have fun^^  
mr_brooks: are you gone a tell the others or not?  
lovelypersonagain: naaa let's surprise them

Of course I didn't want to surprise them. I snapchatted the girls. Unfortunately, this resulted in him getting banned. What a shame. I would have looked out to his very own interpretation of the Fox.


	2. I honestly don't know how to describe this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Hanna who helped me out at tinychat and with this creep. Thank you, I love you, and this will sound sooo weird when people read the attached chapter.

So, i almost lost hope. I talked to three different creeps this time and none of them wasn't even interested in hearing me out. That's why we need feminism, the creeps don't respect us girls. Valid complain here ;-) Well, anyways, I was on the edge of despair, and suddenly there he was: Not exactly my knight in shining armor, but well, a suitable creep: Be. 

be: hi pretty  
lovelyperson: hey^^  
be: you seems so hot :P

– wohow this looks like just the right fella. – 

lovelyperson: thank you, I guess^^ Where are you from?  
be: spain and you?  
be: age?  
lovelyperson: Germany and 24, and you?  
be: 25  
be: you are really pretty

– been there, heard that. Come on, start being ultra creepy!- 

be: can i see you stand up? :P

– creepy enough. Wanna see the boobies, creep? They are reserved for hot Norwegians. Not standing up for you, so I'll just ignore this... –

lovelyperson: ah, ok^^ so, do you like Ylvis or did you come here by chance?  
be: i come here to chat  
be: but i really like to see you better :P

– But I don't like you to see me better. I'll play dumb, I'm exercised in that – 

lovelyperson: haha well spain is far away xD  
be: but i can see you better from webcam  
be: stand up for me pretty

– ah shit he noticed. So there seems to be a brain in this one, dominated through a needy penis though it seems – 

lovelyperson: naaa, you don't wanna see that, I'm just okay looking shoulder-upwards  
be: oh :(  
be: dont like to see my penis babe?

– muahahah definitely a creep! The game is on! *warning the others via snapchat* –

lovelyperson: well... I would... but there are certain conditions to that...  
be: what conditions?

– oh love, you are in for a special treat xD – 

lovelyperson: well... you know... all of us girls here meet because we have a common special kink  
be: like to come to private room to see  
lovelyperson: naaa... under the right conditions we all like to watch it together.  
lovelyperson: but the conditions are really specific  
be: tell me  
lovelyperson: are you sure? i don't know if you can handle it

– I really don't bro... Even I can't handle it properly after all... – 

be: tell  
lovelyperson: ok... sooo you know Ylvis? the guys who did the fox?  
be: no, why?

– really? Where did you hide during 2013 and 2014? – 

lovelyperson: well, they are really famous for "what does the fox say". We love them. They are brothers  
lovelyperson: we like to imagine them fucking  
be: so?

– he doesn't seem to catch the point here … – 

lovelyperson: each other   
be: seems you dont want penis, ok

– what? You misunderstood me completely!!! – 

lovelyperson: yes we do!!! we love penis. Any chance you have a brother, too?  
be: no  
lovelyperson: ahhh man -.- any other relative you could get into gay intercourse with?  
be: no, i can just masturbate for you

– shame xDDDDD Also, now begins the famous “catch the reference game” ^^ One point for each music video reference you spot, two points per ejt – reference and three points for any other reference to norwegian comedians you catch! – 

lovelyperson: ... could you do it while listening to "ylvis - trucker's hitch"  
lovelyperson: and chant: "take it away, brother, I love you?" while doing it?  
be: can i masturbate without the boys?

\- what? I just told you about my secret kinks and you won't accept my wishes?!? -

Lovelyperson: no we only get off if it involves ylvis or incestial gay intercourse  
lovelyperson: or alternatively: Are you more blond or more dark haired?  
be: dark  
be: want to see masturbation or not?  
lovelyperson: ahh ok... you could chant "Bard... (pronounced bored) yeah let me fuck you like this”  
be: come here if you want i do that: (an: link censored, that would be too mean otherwise)  
lovelyperson: what are you promising to do when I click that link?  
be: yes, click, its my room, we talk better there  
lovelyperson: naaa sorry not leaving here If I don't know if I get hot gay action 

– I'm serious. I'm an independent woman with a kink for gay porn, you can't just command me around! - 

lovelyperson: naaa only if I know that I'll get my share of incestual ylvis kink out of it  
be: ok, bye  
lovelyperson: ahhh I don't understand... don't you like that?  
be: i want to see your boobs to masturbate for them  
lovelyperson: but the ylviscest :-(  
e: if i see boobs i do something

– oh no! What now? Let's talk about my feelings here for once! – 

lovelyperson: you know, I was kinda having high hopes now...  
lovelyperson: could you at least imagine doing something incestual for our viewing pleasure  
be: yes but do you gona show me some boobs?

– oh really? Is that common ground we can build something on? – 

lovelyperson: what exactly can I expect if I show you boob? not gonna buy what I don't know  
be: if you show me boobs i do something you like to see but seems you dont gona show me nothing, so i really have to leave :/

– do or don't... that is the question... let's try to negotiate some more –

lovelyperson: naaa I would show you, but I want to know exactly what I get for it. Not selling for nothing.   
be: if i use a toy i have you gonna like it?

– well if you are offering... – 

lovelyperson: what kind of toy?  
be: its like a boy, but in toy  
be: i use it to masturbate for you  
be: yes or no?

– wait I'm confused. Also, am i negotiating about jerking - off material here?!? – 

lovelyperson: like... you are using a barbie-ken to masturbate yourself?  
be: yes  
lovelyperson: is the actual figure lean and blond or dark and muscular?  
be: i tell more if you show something  
lovelyperson: naaa you didn't show anything yet... we are still talking business here  
lovelyperson: please stay professional

– loooooooooool – 

be: its a dark and muscular  
lovelyperson: okay, I demand that you say: "Ugh Vegard slap my rumpestump" while you masturbate

\- aaaand I broke my rips from suppressed laughter because I had to snapchat this to the girls and keep a straight face so the creep wouldn't notice. Well, while I'm at it... –

lovelyperson: do you have any toys you could insert anally? like a blond barbie ken or something?  
be: i have a blond barbie, its a big toy  
lovelyperson: can you insert it into your ass?  
lovelyperson: and say: "Fuck me with your lang pinne, Calle!"?

– I honestly apologize for those mental images, I didn't think things through. I didn't expect for the creep to stay here that long. I don't know what has gotten into me and totally understand if you unfollow me after this. – 

be: to do a thing like that i need a really big prove from you, and you dont do nothing  
lovelyperson: yeah but could you imagine that if I gave you something?

– I didn't wait around to hear or think about what “something” meant. I snapchatted one of the girls and told her that she had to ban this user as soon as I yelled “NOW!!!”. I needed the right timing for what I was planning – 

be: yes.   
lovelyperson: ok, soooo, can you repeat your end of the bargain? I'll repeat mine afterwards  
be: i gona use the boy hands to masturbate and use other girl toy to put a little in the ass

lovelyperson: alright... *yelling NOW!!!*

– and banned he was. I am in shock. This guy agreed to all of this for boobs. I honestly ran out of ideas on what to ask him. Any ideas for next time? Idk. I think I just reached the highest point in my creep – saga. –


End file.
